Page 44 of 51

Re: HAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!

Posted: Thu Jan 17, 2013 9:27 pm
by Sn@kemaru
suilenRok wrote:Juan: Nagyoyosi ka?
Pedro: Oo.
Juan: Ilang kaha sa isang araw?
Pedro: tatlo..
Juan: Magkano isang kaha?
Pedro: 40 pesos
Juan: Gano kana katagal nagyoyosi?
Pedro: 15 years.
Juan: Kung ang isang kaha ay 40 pesos, nakaka-tatlong kaha ka sa isang araw bali sa isang buwan nakaka P3,600 pesos ka. Sa isang taon meron kang 43,200 pesos, Tama?
Pedro: Oo?!
Juan: Alam mo ba kung hindi ka nagyoyosi, naipon mo sana ang pera mo nailagay mo sana sa bangko at nakabili ka na sana ng sports car?!
Pedro: ikaw nagyoyosi ka ba?
Juan: hindi.
Pedro: ohh Put@ng !n@ mo, asan yung sports car mo?!
:rofl:

Re: HAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!

Posted: Sat Feb 02, 2013 1:50 am
by Sn@kemaru
English Not Easy

Interviewer: Do you speak english?

Applicant: Yes

Interviewer: Name?

Applicant: Abdul al-Rhasib

Interviewer: Sex?

Applicant: Three to five times a week.

Interviewer: No, no... I mean male or female?

Applicant: Yes, male, female, sometimes camel.

Interviewer: Holy cow!

Applicant: Yes, cow, sheep animals in general.

Interviewer: But isn't it hostile?

Applicant: Horse style, doggy style, any style!

Interviewer: Oh dear!

Applicant: No, no! Dear runs too fast....
----
Ang Alamat Ng WAKA-WAKA

Noong unang panahon,sina Pedro at Juan ay gumagawa ng homework sa Geography. Nainis si Pedro kasi hindi makita ni Juan ang Africa sa mapa.

P: (kinukuha ang mapa) Amin na, mina.
J: Eh eh, wag ka wag ka, eh eh.
P: Amin na, mina.Sa kalewa.
J: Alam na, Ah ah.
P: Amin na, mina.
J: Eh eh. Wag ka, wag ka. Eh eh.
P: Amin na, mina, sa kalewa. coz this is africa.

haha:D
pustahan kumakanta yan.

Re: HAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!

Posted: Sun Feb 03, 2013 1:33 am
by Wheelman
suilenRok wrote:Juan: Nagyoyosi ka?
Pedro: Oo.
Juan: Ilang kaha sa isang araw?
Pedro: tatlo..
Juan: Magkano isang kaha?
Pedro: 40 pesos
Juan: Gano kana katagal nagyoyosi?
Pedro: 15 years.
Juan: Kung ang isang kaha ay 40 pesos, nakaka-tatlong kaha ka sa isang araw bali sa isang buwan nakaka P3,600 pesos ka. Sa isang taon meron kang 43,200 pesos, Tama?
Pedro: Oo?!
Juan: Alam mo ba kung hindi ka nagyoyosi, naipon mo sana ang pera mo nailagay mo sana sa bangko at nakabili ka na sana ng sports car?!
Pedro: ikaw nagyoyosi ka ba?
Juan: hindi.
Pedro: ohh Put@ng !n@ mo, asan yung sports car mo?!
Bro pa share ha! :lol:

Re: HAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!

Posted: Wed Feb 06, 2013 11:15 pm
by ShadowoftheDarkgod
Pedro: Pare buntis yung gf ko, pero gumagamit naman ako ng condom lagi.

Totoy: Halika mahal kong kaibigan, ipapaliwanag ko.

Pedro: Sige.

Totoy: May isang lalake na umakyat ng gubat na may dala-dalang payong. Ngayon, naka-kita sya ng malaking tigreng papalapit. Kinalabit nya ang pindutan ng payong nya at namatay ang tigre.

Pedro: Haha... Imposible naman yun pre. Baka may ibang tumira sa tigre.

Totoy: Exactly.



:bigmouth: :bigmouth: :bigmouth:

Re: HAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!

Posted: Tue Feb 19, 2013 9:38 am
by sayad5
Job Interview ni Juan
----------------------------
Akala niyo, puro kalokohan lang alam ni JUan, nagkakamali kayo.

Dahil first job interview 'to ni Juan pinaghandaan niya ng husto, nag research at nag aral siya sa mga posibleng itatanong sa job interview.

MAM: Next applicant JUAN,
Merong 50 na kahon sa eroplano.
Kung nahulog ang 1, ilan ang matitira?

JUAN:Confident! Alam ko yan MAM, Madali lang yan, eh di 49!

MAM: Ngayon, sabihin mo sakin ang 3
steps kung paano mo mailalagay ang elepante sa ref?

JUAN: 1. Buksan ang ref 2. Ilagay ang
elepante 3. Isara ang ref

MAM: 4 steps naman kung paano mo
mailalagay ang usa sa ref?

JUAN: 1. Buksan ang ref 2.Alisin ang
elepante 3.Ilagay ang usa 4.Isara ang ref

MAM: Ngayon, birthday ng leon. Andun
lahat ng hayop maliban sa 1. Anu un at bkit ?

JUAN: Yung usa, dahil nasa loob siya ng ref.

MAM: Next question, paano makakatawid
ang matandang babae sa ilog na puno ng buwaya?

JUAN: Tatawid lang siya kase wala naman
TEXT SPEAK VIOLATION mga buwaya. Andun sila sa birthday ng leon.

MAM: Pero namatay parin yung
matanda .Sa anong dahilan?

Sa isip ni JUAN, ang dadali lang ng tanong nasagot ko lahat. Makakapagtrabaho na rin sa wakas! :))

JUAN: Marahil, nalunod?(Napa ngiti si Juan kay Mam)

MAM: MALI! Tinamaan siya nung kahon na nahulog mula
sa eroplano. tsk tsk tsk, Maaari ka ng umalis,
Next applicant please!


:bigmouth:

Re: HAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!

Posted: Tue Feb 19, 2013 12:04 pm
by VincH
ano ang pinagkaiba ng taong nahulog sa mataas at mababang building?

mababa: blog! aaaaahhhhh!!!!

mataas: aaaaaaaahhhhhh! blog!

Re: HAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!

Posted: Sat Feb 23, 2013 6:01 pm
by Acid Rhain
Kwentong Kuripot..

Student: Magkano kanin nyo?
Tindera: 8
Student: Yung tutong?
Tindera: Libre.
Student: Sige, tutong nalang. Yung gulay magkano?
Tindera: 20
Student: Yung sabaw?
Tindera: Libre.
Student: Sabaw nalang po.

(Pagkatapos kumaen)

Student: May coke kayo?
Tindera: (Siguro naman bibili na 'to) Meron, 10
Student: Bigyan mo nga ko isa.. *sabay bunot sa bulsa* may tansan kase ako dito eh, FREE COKE daw.

Re: HAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!

Posted: Sat Feb 23, 2013 6:37 pm
by luca_blight
Anak: Tay, may manok sa kusina tinutuka TEXT SPEAK VIOLATION bigas..

Tatay: Paalisin mo..!!

Anak: Hoy manok umalis ka nga dito..

Tatay: Bobo gulatin mo..

Anak: Hoy manok bulaga!! :)

Tatay: Bugok takutin mo..!!

Anak: Manoook aswang ako awoooo...

Tatay: Nyemas! Bugawin mo!

Anak: Boss chikz 50 TEXT SPEAK VIOLATION batang bata pa..

Tatay: Hulihin mo na nga lang..

Anak: Manok! Pulis ako. Taas pak-pak..!!!!!

Tatay: Lintik! Ikaw ang lumayas!!

Anak: Ako tay?!

Tatay: Ay hindi! Hindi! Ako na lang baka mapatay pa kita...!

Re: HAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!

Posted: Sun Feb 24, 2013 10:39 pm
by sayad5
1. Nagising Ako
2. Pumasok ako sa iskwelahan
3. Nakita ko siya
4. Hinalikan ko siya
5. Hinalikan niya rin ako








Sa Totoo Lang ang pagkakasunod ay 2, 3, 4, 5, 1

Re: HAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!

Posted: Sun Feb 24, 2013 10:53 pm
by sayad5
Tindera: Sir bili na po kayo dito ng kurtina!

Erap: Sige bibili ako para sa computer ko

Tindera: Bakit para sa computer?

Erap: Kasi yung computer ko may "Windows" eh :bigmouth:

Re: HAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!

Posted: Sun Feb 24, 2013 10:55 pm
by sayad5
Bugaw: Sir, Chicks P1,500, estudyante!

Man: Ganun ba? Hanapan mo ako ng mga P1,000 lang pero mas magaling pa sa estudyante.

Bugaw: Yung PRINCIPAL, sir! :bigmouth:

Re: HAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!

Posted: Sun Feb 24, 2013 10:57 pm
by sayad5
(sa isang ilog...)

Juan: Bata! Mababaw ba yung ilog?

Bata: Opo!

Juan: (tumalon!) Saklolo! Saklolo! LOKO KA!! bata ka! Sabi mo mababaw, ang lalim pala!

Bata: Mababaw lang po talaga ,kasi po kanina tumawid pa nga po yung bibe dyan eh, cool na cool lang..

:bigmouth:

Re: HAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!

Posted: Sun Feb 24, 2013 11:01 pm
by sayad5
Pasahero: Manong matagal pa po ba mag iintay bago umalis ang jeep?

Driver: OO mag hintay pa tayo ng konti, wala pa kasing laman ang jeep ehh..

Pasahero: Aba!! Manong ano ang palagay mo sa akin SABAW..!!! :bigmouth:

Re: HAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!

Posted: Mon Feb 25, 2013 12:32 am
by PototoyPwets
Anong tawag sa anak ng "Taong Grasa"?
.
.
.
.
.
.
Edi..
.
.
..
.
.
.
Baby Oil! acheche.. :lol: :sweat:

Re: HAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!

Posted: Tue Feb 26, 2013 8:31 am
by sayad5
Dahil sa tindi ng kahirapan sa probinsya, namasukan si Inday
bilang katulong sa Maynila.

Habang ini-interview ng amo.....

Amo: Kailangan namin ng katulong para mag-linis ng bahay,
Magluto, maglaba, mamalantsa, mamalengke, at magbantay sa mga bata. Kaya mo ba ang lahat ng
ito?

Inday: I believe that my acquired skills, training and expertise in management with the use of standard tools, and my discipline and experience will contribute significantly to the value of the work that you want done. My creativity, productivity and work-efficiency and the high quality of outcome I can offer will boost the work progress.

Amo: [Nagdugo ang ilong.]

Makaraan ang dalawang araw, umuwi ang amo, nakitang may bukol si Junior.

Amo: Inday, bakit may bukol si Junior?

Inday: Compromising safety with useless aesthetics, the not-so-well engineered architectural
design of our kitchen lavatory affected the boy's cranium with a slight boil at the left temple near the auditory organ.

Amo: [Nagdugo ulit ang ilong.]

Kinagabihan, habang naghahapunan....

Amo: Inday, bakit naman maalat ang ulam natin?

Inday: The consistency was fine. But you see, it seems that the increased amount of sodium chloride affected the taste drastically and those actions are irreversible. I do apologize.

Amo: [Nagdugo na naman ang ilong.]

Donya: Bakit tuwing pag-uwi ko, nararatnan kitang nanunuod ng TV?!

Inday: Because I don't want you to see me doing absolutely nothing.

Donya: [Hinimatay.]

Kinabukasan, sinamahan ni Inday si Junior sa Principal's office dahil hindi makapunta ang amo at donya.

Principal: Sinuntok ni Junior ang kanyang kaklase.

Inday: It's absurd! It was never a fact that he will inflict an injury to anyone. I can only imagine how you handle schizophrenic kids in this educational institution. Your policies need revision because they suck!

Principal: [Nagbitiw sa tungkulin.]

Pagdating sa bahay, nandun na ang amo, galit na galit.

Amo: Inday, bakit nagkalat ang basura sa likod ng bahay?!

Inday: A change in the weather patterns might have occurred, wrecking havoc to the surroundings. The way the debris is scattered indicates that the gust of wind was going northeast, causing damage to the path it was heading for.

Amo: [Nagdugo na naman ang ilong.]

Habang nagluluto si Inday ng hapunan, malikot si Junior.

Inday: Stop your rambunctious behavior! It is bound to result in property damages and if that happens, there will be the corresponding corporal punishment to be inflicted upon you!

Junior: [Takbo sa CR, para hugasan ang nagdudugong ilong.]

Pagkatapos magluto, nanood na ng TV si Inday. Nasa balita na umalis si Angel Locsin sa GMA 7.

Junior: Bakit kaya siya umalis?

Inday: Sometimes, people choose to leave not because of selfish reasons but because they just know instinctively that things will get worse if they stay. Leaving can be very tough, and it's even harder when people can't understand you for doing so.

Junior: [Binalunguyngoy na naman. Takbo ulit sa CR.]

Nung gabing yon, may nag-text kay inday--si Dodong, ang driver ng kapitbahay, gustong makipagtext-mate..

Biday: To forestall further hopes of acquaintance, my unequivocal reply to your request - Irrevocable denial.

Di naglaon, dahil sa tiyaga ni Dodong, naging girlfriend niya rin si inday.

Pero di tumagal ang kanilang relasyon, at nakipag-break si inday kay Dodong.

Inday: The statute restricts me to love you but you made the provocations. The way you smile is the proximate cause why I love you. We have some rules to think of, however. We have no vested rights to love each other because the upper household dismissed my petition!

Dodong: Perhaps you are mistaken....

I was merely attempting to expand my network of interests by involving you in my daily recreation. Heretofore, you can expect an end to any verbal articulation from myself!

May dumaan na mamang basurero, at narinig ang usapan nina Inday at Dodong.

Basurero (kay inday): Be careful in letting go of the things you think are just nothing because someday you will realize that the one you gave away was the very thing you had been wishing for to stay..

UPDATE.....

Narinig ng amo ni inday ang lahat-lahat.

Amo: Mula ngayon, walang magsasalita ng inggles, sinumang magpadugo ng ilong ko at ng anak ko, palalayasin ko sa pamamahay na ito!

Inday: Ang namutawi sa inyong bibig ay mataman kong ilalagak as kasuluk-sulukan ng aking balintataw, sa kaibuturan ng aking puso, at palagi kong gugunam- gunamin.

Sakbibi ng madlang lumbay kung mapapalis sa gunita yaring inyong tinuran..

Amo: Leche! Hindi kami sinauna! Yung makabagong wika at salita ang gusto kong gagamitin dito sa bahay ko!!

Inday: Tarush! Pachenes pa 'tong chorva eklavubo chuva tabayishki kun suplandish!

:bigmouth: :bigmouth: :bigmouth:

Re: HAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!

Posted: Wed Feb 27, 2013 1:52 am
by SirZap
PototoyPwets wrote:Anong tawag sa anak ng "Taong Grasa"?
.
.
.
.
.
.
Edi..
.
.
..
.
.
.
Baby Oil! acheche.. :lol: :sweat:
Image

Re: HAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!

Posted: Sun Mar 10, 2013 9:39 am
by sayad5
Sa kasalan........

PARI: Sana ang donation mo ay katumbas ng ganda ng pakakasalan mo.
GROOM: Eto P5, father.
Tinignan ng pari ang bride.
PARI: Eto P4 sukli mo iho.

:bigmouth:

Re: HAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!

Posted: Sun Mar 10, 2013 9:41 am
by sayad5
Magsyota nag chat sa FB..

GF: bhe, di na ako magtatagal, log out na ako kasi nagalit si papa eh. Ingu-ngudngod daw nia mukha ko sa keyboard kung di pa ako aalis ngayon.

BF: aiiii! gusto ko pang makipagchat sayo :(

GF: Di na pwede bhe kasi ingu-ngudngod dawdsdflkjasd;l ­ fjsdaklf;sdafks ­ dljafbsadkljfha ­ dslfasdhkflsanf ­ sadfnsa,fns;kda ­ fnsdakljfsdakjl ­ fsbdalkfsdan,da ­.fsnfklsadfnsda ­ ouihfsdaiufsdah ­ iulsafdnjksfadj ­ knfsadnjlksczxl ­ kjvxzcnlkjvjklx ­ cnzjhkvxzclkjhx ­ vczljhk12lk3h12 ­ u0123u9p8q203ys ­ afsafsafsdafdsa ­ fsdafsdafsdau42 ­ 3901847u2390142 ­ 3i4h21l34hbl231 ­ khj4k213lk4213j ­ nsadfsdafsadfsd ­ afsadfsdafsdafa ­ sdxzcvxczvxczvx zcvxzcvsafsafsx ­ zvxzvcxzvxzcvxz ­ safdaqrweqrewqr ­ weqrwqerewqsda2 ­ 3432534tregsgdf ­ gdszxhk

Re: HAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!

Posted: Sun Mar 10, 2013 11:26 pm
by Battousai
Punta kayo sa translate.google.com.

I-translate nyo yung 'Shoulder muscle' to Malay.

Re: HAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!

Posted: Mon Mar 11, 2013 9:13 am
by sayad5
An elderly man in Louisiana had owned a large farm
for several years. He had a large pond in the back. It
was properly shaped for swimming, so he fixed it up
nice with picnic tables, horseshoe courts, and some
apple and peach trees.

One evening the old farmer decided to go down to the
pond, as he hadn't been there for a while, and look it
over. He grabbed a five-gallon bucket to bring back
some fruit.

As he neared the pond, he heard voices shouting and
laughing with glee. As he came closer, he saw it was
a bunch of young women skinny-dipping in his pond.

He made the women aware of his presence and they
all went to the deep end.

One of the women shouted to him, 'we're not coming
out until you leave!'

The old man frowned, 'I didn't come down here
to watch you ladies swim naked or make you get
out of the pond naked.'

Holding the bucket up he said, 'I'm here to feed the alligator....'



Some old men can still think fast. :bigmouth: