Depression

[DarkRushBeat]

The root of my depression stems from the fact na until now nakikitira pa rin ako dito sa in-laws ko sa Batangas. And despite my best efforts, konting taas lang ng boses ko sa mga anak ko, negative agad napapansin nila sa akin. And i'm also surrounded by condescending people, kagaya ng hipag ko na napakagaling makialam sa lahat tapos sasabihin nagmamalasakit lang.

Gusto ko sana bumukod na talaga kaso on my case it's easier said than done. Walang magbabantay sa mga bata which my in laws are doing for the last 6 years...Syempre thankful ako sa lahat at napaka lalim ng utang na loob ko sa kanila pero wag naman sana sila mag take control ng buhay namin dito porke't nakikitira lang...

Adding to that aspect, my wife doesn't want to be away with her parents...To think napakalakas pa naman nila at wala naman meron sakit sa magulang niya pareho...Hindi raw nya kaya iwan magulang nya...

I'm depressed because of the fact that until now i cannot afford a roof of our own for my family's heads, something that i can call my own...I'm depressed because there's a lot of people na nagmamagaling at sinasabing napagdaanan na raw nila lahat yan, etc etc...Blah blah blah...

[grayfox17]

Mine comes from two things:

My parents does not appreciate everything i do for them and never listens to what i say. Pero pag ibang tao dun sila mas nakikinig at nagpapasalamat.

[javaChip56]

@DarkRushBeat
I'm not a married man..And I have never experienced what you are going through right now. Pero hanga ako sa'yo sir. It takes a stronger man to let go, set aside his ego and emotion, and avoid confrontations. I would assume nagusap na kayo ni misis about this. If not, that would be the best first step at least to release some of the pressure. Usap as in, not her just listening to what you have to say.. you have to actually make her understand and feel what you are going through right now. Kapag may nangyaring hindi mo gusto or the in-laws cross a line, tell her. But don't scold her about it. You have to make her understand and maybe even share your pain. Perhaps that could convince her to move out.

[Daniel]

@DarkRushBeat:
Pwedeng idahilan sa in-laws na kung hindi didisiplinahin ang bata, habang bata pa, pagsisisihan ng magulang yun paglaki nila. Opinyon ko lang

@grayfox17:
Di kaya dahil may expectations sila sayo at yun ang gusto nilang makita kaya pag iba ang nakita nila sayo, negative pa rin sa kanila?

[grayfox17]

@grayfox17:
Di kaya dahil may expectations sila sayo at yun ang gusto nilang makita kaya pag iba ang nakita nila sayo, negative pa rin sa kanila?

Kahit sino namang magulang may expectation sa anak. Yung sa parents ko mataas yung sa kanila - hanggat di mo binibigyan ng bahay yan hindi magreregister na natulungan mo na sila. It's annoying kasi pakiramdam ko parang "failed investment" ako bilang anak na kahit anong gawin ko hindi pa rin nila ma-appreciate yung mga nagawa ko sa kanila kahit na maliit na bagay lang.

Most of the time I can manage naman pero kasi nakakabuwisit lang na lumalaki ka tapos ang nakikita mo mas appreciative pa sila sa nagagawa ng ibang tao para sa kanila kesa sa aming mga anak. Yung nasasasaksihan mo na mas vocal sila mag "thank you" sa mga tauhan nila sa negosyo or even sa mga pamangkin pero sa sariling anak poker face lang sila. Nakakawalang ganang tumulong pag ganun kaya most of the time sinosolo ko pera ko at hanggat maaari hindi ako nalapit sa kanila for favors. Pag kaya ko gawin mag isa ang isang bagay ako na mismo ang kikilos para lang makaiwas sa sumbat nila.

[DarkRushBeat]

@DarkRushBeat
I'm not a married man..And I have never experienced what you are going through right now. Pero hanga ako sa'yo sir. It takes a stronger man to let go, set aside his ego and emotion, and avoid confrontations. I would assume nagusap na kayo ni misis about this. If not, that would be the best first step at least to release some of the pressure. Usap as in, not her just listening to what you have to say.. you have to actually make her understand and feel what you are going through right now. Kapag may nangyaring hindi mo gusto or the in-laws cross a line, tell her. But don't scold her about it. You have to make her understand and maybe even share your pain. Perhaps that could convince her to move out.

Spoken with her so many times ago, but still, she can't let go of the fact na kapag bumukod kami ay malalayo siya sa kanila..Bunso eh...

Sabi ko ok sige, there's still a small plot of land which we can possibly build our home...Hindi kita ilalayo sa parents mo pero we need to have a small home of our own...

Sa totoo lang, ayokong maghari harian dito sa bahay na ito..Who am i do to that, nakikitira lang ako dito, sampid kumbaga...

Pero mamatay man mga tsong, i'm doing my best para makisama...Nobody in this house tells me do such, pero ako mismo nag lilinis ng bahay, taas-baba every weekend dati, ngayon every M-W-F...I clean any unwashed plates i can see...I do the laundry (which includes my parents in law's na rin), everything...When i do my usual monthly grocery, nagdadamay na rin ako ng ilang items like mantika, laundry powder, etc etc...

Hindi rin naman ako nagdadamot..Everytime i needed to go to town, palagi akong may dala pabalik sa mga nagbantay sa mga anak ko, usually food or pang dagdag sa uulamin sa gabi...

Kumander will be back from her training in QC mamaya & we'll have a sitdown to talk things over, kasama byenan ko at hipag ko..Wish me luck & hopefully magkaayos na kami pero i am pointing out pa rin na kailangan na namin magkaroon talaga ng maliit na bahay within the compound...

[Sn@kemaru]

^ Errmm... within the compound? Sino may ari ng small plot of land na yun?
Sorry to say this pero kung in-laws mo pa rin ang may ari niyan, better yet wag na lang. Hindi ka rin totally magiging at ease kasi alam mo na hindi ikaw ang nakapag-provide niyan.
Mag-canvass kayo ni misis mo. Kung ayaw niya sumama, kahit ikaw na lang. Hanap ka ng kahit vacant lot muna. At least 1st step na ito sa pag-bukod nyo and at the same time, giving your wife and your in-laws time to adjust for the upcoming change (that you and your family will soon move out of their 'poder').

Naranasan namin ni misis yan. 1st year of marriage namin ay dun kami nakatira sa parents ko. Nung nanganak na siya, lumipat naman kami sa parents niya for 1 year too. May mga challenges din kaming hinarap lalo na sa pakikisama sa mga parents and in-laws namin. During those 2 years na nakikitira kami sa mga parents namin ay nag-hahanap naman kami ng lot na pwede namin mabili.
On the 13th month old of our daughter, we moved into our own home.
We purchased a 150sqm lot in Fairview, and the small house we are living now is gift to us by my parents (may konting contribution din ako kahit paano sa pag-papagawa).

[DarkRushBeat]

^ Errmm... within the compound? Sino may ari ng small plot of land na yun?
Sorry to say this pero kung in-laws mo pa rin ang may ari niyan, better yet wag na lang. Hindi ka rin totally magiging at ease kasi alam mo na hindi ikaw ang nakapag-provide niyan.
Mag-canvass kayo ni misis mo. Kung ayaw niya sumama, kahit ikaw na lang. Hanap ka ng kahit vacant lot muna. At least 1st step na ito sa pag-bukod nyo and at the same time, giving your wife and your in-laws time to adjust for the upcoming change (that you and your family will soon move out of their 'poder').

Salamat Bro..Pero tama ka...This whole compound is owned by my in laws...Well kanina nag usap usap na kami, they've made me realize my mistake pero sila never sila nag addmit ng mistake nila..Just for peace's sake, ok sige....Pero i've also spoke with my wife about possibly building our own turf sa small plot of land nga dito..I even suggested modular housing para maka menos...Ayaw. Gusto conventional na bahay..

Sabi ko, alright...Pero i need my bedroom/home office to be soundproof so i don't hear any BS outside...Meron silang kamag anak a stone's throw away from here na mahilig mag videoke sa gabi...I'm sick of that...Saka yung ate nyang magaling, akala mo nasa Nepa Q Mart ka pag nagsalita na yun, palengkera ang ugali...

I've also told her about my applications abroad & should i just get a decent offer sa mga inapplyan ko, then its time to prove myself....Sabi ko maybe her & my kids absence for the next 2-3 or 4 years away from them will make me a better man....Baka by that time mas mahaba na pasensya ko sa mga in laws ko na condescending...

As per Kumander, hopefully makapagpasimula na raw next year pero by her tone i still have doubts...Talagang ayaw nya mahiwalay sa parents nya...Ewan...Sometimes i really wish i have a time machine so i can go back from the very beginning and kick myself in the rear a hundred times....

[grayfox17]

which is why bago ako nag 30 y/o i already made up my mind not to have a family of my own. Alam ko na hindi ko rin kakayanin kaharapin yung mga ganyang klaseng problema kaya inunahan ko na lang din sarili ko. I even made sure my parents and siblings know about it too as early as possible. Sinasabi ko talaga wala akong plano mag asawa at magka anak kasi ayoko sa ganung klaseng buhay at para wala na rin sila i-expect sa kin.

[DarkRushBeat]

Here i am ATM giving suggestions to Kumander about prefab homes instead...Sabi ko mas makakamura at makakamenos kami dito & we can finally have our much awaited home within 2 months...Sana maliwanagan....

[grayfox17]

hmmm...checklist ko nga sarili ko...

symptoms of major depressive disorder:

* Feelings of sadness, tearfulness, emptiness or hopelessness
* Angry outbursts, irritability or frustration, even over small matters
* Loss of interest or pleasure in most or all normal activities, such as sex, hobbies or sports
* Sleep disturbances, including insomnia or sleeping too much
* Tiredness and lack of energy, so even small tasks take extra effort
* Changes in appetite — often reduced appetite and weight loss, but increased cravings for food and weight gain in some people
* Anxiety, agitation or restlessness
* Slowed thinking, speaking or body movements
* Feelings of worthlessness or guilt, fixating on past failures or blaming yourself for things that aren't your responsibility
* Trouble thinking, concentrating, making decisions and remembering things
* Frequent or recurrent thoughts of death, suicidal thoughts, suicide attempts or suicide
* Unexplained physical problems, such as back pain or headaches
* Memory difficulties or personality changes
* Physical aches or pain
* Fatigue, loss of appetite, sleep problems, aches or loss of interest in sex — not caused by a medical condition or medication
* Often wanting to stay at home, rather than going out to socialize or doing new things
* Suicidal thinking or feelings, especially in older men

... yep, pretty much got all of it. I guess its just a matter of time for me.

[yonsei55]

@grayfox17

sir mukhang marami tayong similarities ah...hindi ko rin ma-imagine sarili ko na may sariling pamilya at may pagkaintrovert din me. feeling ko talaga at ng ibang tao ang weird ko

[grayfox17]

^hehe, yeah, I got that a lot too. Yung tingin ng tao sa kin hindi ako marunong makisama, may sariling mundo, weirdo, flip, etc...

Ako talaga pre aaminin ko introvert ako pero i never really fully realized it till I was in my mid 20's. Akala ko noon naka depende lang sa mga nakakasalamuha ko pero ang totoo mas panatag talaga loob ko pag mag isa ako all the time. I can do small talks with people I know like my family pero not with random strangers, pakiramdam ko it's somewhat exhausting talking to someone for extended periods of time and I constantly get the urge to excuse myself from the conversation para I can be alone by myself again to "recharge".

This began with my ex gf a few years back, napansin ko kasi mas relax ako na nasa bahay lang kesa yung namamasyal kaya madalas ilang oras lang kami sa labas ako na mismo mag aaya umuwi tapos pagdating naman sa trabaho napansin din ng boss ko na madalas hindi ako nakikisalamuha pero nung inexplain ko na mas nakakapag focus ako just on my own dun nya naintindihan ang ugali ko. Give me tons of report to do and I'll do them no questions asked pero hindi mo ko mapipilit na maki join sa isang party kahit na alukin mo pa ko ng pera.

When it comes to marriage, I really do not have the inclination to go out and commit. Parang mas sanay ako na fling lang or short term. Laro kung laro, tira lang ng tira . Dati I wanted commitment pero nung tumatanda na ko I began to question myself kung yun ba talaga ang gusto ko para sa sarili ko kasi whenever me and my girl talks about getting married naba-blangko isip ko. Feeling ko parang hindi ko kakayanin yung ganung buhay and I've had this idea for a long time. There was a time that I accidentally stumbled upon palmistry online and to my surprise, that pretty much convinced me that marriage is not really for me. It practically gave me the answer that I needed to know and a clear picture na rin on why I no longer have the urge of jumping back to the dating scene anymore.

Siguro I am at that point in my life wherein I mastered the practice of not giving a damn anymore. I don't see any shame on who I am kasi overtime I have learned to live with it. If people can't accept my character then that's no longer my problem.

[Sn@kemaru]

@DarkRushBeat: bro, opinion ko lang ito ha. Regarding your plan to build a house (either prefab or conventional) on your in-laws property is ok. Pero sana short term mo lang yan. Kapag nawala na ang parents ng wife mo, pag-aagawan na ng mga magkakapatid ang property na yan. Ok sige naka-pwesto na kayo ng wife mo but what if dalhin nila sa court ang tamang hatian ng property (extrajudicial settlement)?
I feel you really kasi naranasan ko rin iyan. Isa pa negative in living with in-laws ay mapipilitan ka talaga mag-adjust sa kanila. Ikaw yun mag-bow kasi ikaw yun nakikitira. Lalo na't tayo yun lalaki... nandun pa rin yun naka-ugalian na dapat tayo yun mag-provide, hindi yun babae.

We all wish to have our own time machine. Kung papiliin lang talaga ako ng 1 super power, I'd choose to turn back time.

@grayfox: Ganyan din ang plan ko dati. Na hindi ako mag-aasawa. Mala-batman lang. fling-fling lang, no strings attached. hehe.
Pero dumating yun babaeng nagpa-ibig ulit sa akin at pinakasalan ko sya.
Isipin mo na lang din bro, kung paano pagtanda natin. Wala tayo kasama. Wala tayo partner or anak na mag-aalaga sa atin.
Somewhere in the mythos of Metal Gear... that the purpose of life is to pass on our genes something.

[grayfox17]

@grayfox: Ganyan din ang plan ko dati. Na hindi ako mag-aasawa. Mala-batman lang. fling-fling lang, no strings attached. hehe.
Pero dumating yun babaeng nagpa-ibig ulit sa akin at pinakasalan ko sya.
Isipin mo na lang din bro, kung paano pagtanda natin. Wala tayo kasama. Wala tayo partner or anak na mag-aalaga sa atin.
Somewhere in the mythos of Metal Gear... that the purpose of life is to pass on our genes something.

Yan din ang nag iisang pangaral sa kin ng ermats at kuya ko na pano kung wala na sila sino mag aalaga sa kin? ang sagot ko naman "eh di sarili ko kasi kaya ko naman eh." It's a nice thought to have someone take care of me till my dying days pero it's not the same for everyone kasi. Hindi naman lahat ng nag-aasawa at nagkakaanak nagiging masaya, minsan nga yun pa yung nagpapa-buwang sa kanila gaya na lang ng nangyari sa mga pinsan ko na mas bata sa kin - ang aga nagsipag asawa kasi mga nakadisgrasya at nadisgrasya ng mga syota nila tapos ano ang buhay nila ngayon? ayun, struggle sila to the point na hindi nila maenjoy ng husto buhay nila dala ng mga obligasyong bayarin at palamunin na kahit mag 50y/o na sila hindi nila maaafford tumigil sa trabaho.

Pero ako, eto, naeenjoy ko buhay ko kasi nakaka diskarte ako sa paraan na gusto ko. Hawak ko oras at pera ko pati nakaka galaw ako ng walang kokontra sa trip ko gawin. And as for what the future may hold for me, bahala na. If worst comes to worst, I can just buy me a second hand gun from any thug around here and use that to end myself.

[joelagarano]

Ang mahirap dito sa Pilipinas, hindi ganun kalalim ang pagkaintindi ng karaniwang tao sa depression. The common filipino treats depression as just a fleeting state of sadness and not as a disease. Hence, ang typical na sinasabi natin ay "sus wala yan. kaya mo yan." While that kind of advice sometimes help, usually it just adds to the depression since the one who is being tormented by this disease considers himself weak because he thinks cant deal with his problems.

I too have had battles with depression. My childhood was't really nice. My dad and mom always quarreled and would hurt each other, occassionally in front of me. Tapos may times pa na may tatawag sa bahay namin na babae looking for my dad. Ang pambawi ng dad ko sa akin dati ay bibilhan nya ako ng toys or whatever I wanted. Para bang binibili ako. My parents separated and had their marriage annulled. Dahil dito, hindi ako masyado pala kaibigan. And madalas mas gusto ko sa bahay lang. Lagi kong iniisip na may kasalanan ako kaya naghiwalay parents ko. When I was 13, I already had suicidal tendencies. I tried to commit suicide at that age.

Kaya sa tingin ko, nagkaroon ako ng problem sa pag manage ng mga naging relationships ko. I feared rejection. Kasi ayoko maramdaman yung nakikita ko nung bata ako sa parents ko. Kaya naging possessive ako at naging sobrang emotional pag nag kaka problema ako with my past GF's. Yung first GF ko, nung college ako, 4 years kami kaso naanakan sya ng iba kaya kami naghiwalay. Nung nalaman ko na ganun nga yung situation, I tried to commit suicide twice. Then as the years progressed, naging problematic talaga yung iba kong relationships to the point na I was being taken advantage of dahil sa fear ko ng rejection. I would buy them gifts at inuubos ko talaga sweldo ko pag may konting pagtatalo dahil yun yung alam kong pambawi dahil yun din naman ginawa sa akin nung bata ako. I had to apply for a sabbatical leave din sa work dati because I would get depressed because of my perceived failures sa work, relationships and in life. Two years ago, I tried to kill myself again.

Nung last attempt ko to take my own life, I tried to hang myself from my room's window railing. I was about to pass out when my mom entered my room. Dun ko sya nakita na sobrang iyak ng iyak and then it hit me, I needed to stop doing harm to myself.

Kaya nagpatingin ako sa psychiatrist. Dun inexplain sa akin na sakit ang depression at hindi talaga nadadaan sa palasing lasing at kung ano ano pa. I was under therapy and medication for almost a year. Minsan din daw, genetic ito. The therapy worked. I reconciled with my dad and I let go of the hate and anger eating through my core. I tell you brothers, once you've relinquished all your spite and demons, you'll feel brand new.

Ngayon, I am doing very well. I am currently the General Manager for a company, my family still has complications because dad remarried but other than that, all is well. I have also found the love of my life and I have already told her I will marry her in two years time.

Mga kapatid, if ever you are feeling depressed and you think that you need to harm yourself to end the pain, pls call this number: 804-4673. That is a 24/7 suicide and depression prevention hotline.

[grayfox17]

It's good that things turned out better for you despite your bad experiences in the past. For me, I feel like things are about to get worst ...

Naging ugat din ng depression ko yung family ko. Growing up, lagi na lang ako napapagalitan because of my bad grades tapos being compared constantly to my elder brothers and cousins who were doing very well in school felt like a solid drop kick to my already ailing self-esteem. Di pa kasama dyan yung mga tao sa paligid ko na napapansin lang ako pag may kailangan sa kin or pag may mali ako nagawa. Pero the single most thing that nudged me into depression is the fact that my parents prefers to listen and compromise for other people rather than their own kids. Parang pakiramdam ko I was just a failed investment to them at isang obligasyong palamunin lang at walang timbang yung opinyon namin sa kanila. It sucks that as a son you want to protect your parents pero mas pinipili nilang ginagago sila ng ibang tao tapos lahat ng ipayo namin sa kanila na tama disregard lang - kami pa ang lumalabas na mali. This happens every freaking time and I am really fed up. Isa din problema ko sa magulang ko is they actively show appreciation to what other people does for them pero yung effort naming mga anak halos balewala lang sa kanila. Pag may ginawa kami na konting effort, sumbat agad ang natatanggap namin, ni simpleng pasalamat wala. Ang sakit sa loob na mas madalas mong nakikita na verbal sila mag "thank you" sa mga nagagawa ng tauhan nila or ng mga pamangkin nila para sa kanila pero pag anak na dedma lang. No matter what we do, we will never measure up to their standards and be good enough for them at all.

Getting into another relationship is out of the question for me. It's not my priority right now and I sure as hell can't find time to sustain it either. Kung sa gaming nga tinatamad na ko pano pa kaya pag nagka syota na ko? I also no longer believe in ANY religion anymore so praying won't do me any good. If only I can buy antidepressants easily I would have, problem is, andun pa rin ang mga trobol ko sa buhay.

Not a day goes by that I have really longed to just disappear from existence, yung tipong I would just die in my sleep peacefully or get caught in an accident. I could never really muster enough courage to poison myself, if I were going to harm myself it would be to just put a bullet to my head. Quick and painless, no suffering felt. I even already imagined how my burol would even look like - a few people attending like my immediate family lang since I doubt anyone outside of family would even bother to come down. In just a week I'd be buried and not long after that, people would have already moved on and may have forgotten who I was ... and perhaps, some would actually even be glad that I am no longer around.

[DarkRushBeat]

@DarkRushBeat: bro, opinion ko lang ito ha. Regarding your plan to build a house (either prefab or conventional) on your in-laws property is ok. Pero sana short term mo lang yan. Kapag nawala na ang parents ng wife mo, pag-aagawan na ng mga magkakapatid ang property na yan. Ok sige naka-pwesto na kayo ng wife mo but what if dalhin nila sa court ang tamang hatian ng property (extrajudicial settlement)?
I feel you really kasi naranasan ko rin iyan. Isa pa negative in living with in-laws ay mapipilitan ka talaga mag-adjust sa kanila. Ikaw yun mag-bow kasi ikaw yun nakikitira. Lalo na't tayo yun lalaki... nandun pa rin yun naka-ugalian na dapat tayo yun mag-provide, hindi yun babae.

It's good thing (and thankfully after all these years) e natauhan na si Kumander ko to finally realize we really need a home of our own. As for their parents house where we are staying, oo napamahal na sa akin itong bahay na ito pero my wife still has other siblings (mga bayaw ko na nasa Manila) who still has "claims" on this house, usually ginagawa nilang rest house ito if they want to unwind from the stress of the city life..Saka nakakasawa na rin mag general cleaning ng 1 up & down na bahay. Ayos na ko sa plano namin na small bungalow, and i will apply my minimalist skills unto it once done.

As for my depression, andito pa rin pero somehow na alleviate na. I'm no longer a religious guy pero i am an Agnostic type of person now. And of course, i still have my Christian roots with me pero i must say malaking tulong din that i looked into Buddhism & also listen to some Buddhist Chants & mantra, mas nakakatulong ngayon sa akin yun whenever i need to remind myself of patience, patience, patience...

Sa sitwasyon ko mahirap ilabas ang nasa loob kasi i don't drink. May allergy ako eh. Pero thankfully i found people who can listen to me, kahit papano unti-unti kong nasasabi mga gusto ko sabihin sa buhay..Mga hinaing ko...

[grayfox17]

...nakaka-depress talaga yung napapaligiran ka ng mga taong nuknukan ng g@go tapos sarili mo pang mga magulang hindi rin nakikinig o nagtatanggol man lang syo. Lagi na lang nila sinasabi na magpasensya pero ang totoo kapakanan lang ng negosyo at mga tauhan ang iniisip, ni hindi man lang kino-consider yung nararamdaman ng anak nila. Kahit anong iwas mo sa mga taong palpak patuloy ka pa ring bubuwisitin sa lahat ng paraan na alam nila. Kahit anong kalma ang gawin ko sa sarili ko talagang di mawala ang galit ko sa mga taong yun.

Everytime I go to sleep I keep wishing that I don't wake up anymore. I am already out of options and death is truly the only way I know to escape my problems. After I'm gone, people will only just temporarily grieve then say "plastik" things about a person who just died pero in truth, I'm certain matutuwa pa sila na wala na ko.

[SirZap]

dude, eto ang masasabi ko lang sa estado mo.

sa mga businesspeople na kilala ko walang pakialaman ng business kahit kadugo. nataon na ganyan din ang magulang mo. kaya the best thing to do magtayo ka ng sarili mong negosyo, mas maa-appreciate mo yung point of view nila.


huwag mo silang gawing measurement ng iyong kaligayahan. parang ganito lang yan. may nakasalamuha ako na gusto nya kasi maging doctor pero hindi kaya syang ipag-aral para doon. dahil hindi kaya ng mga magulang nya i-provide kaya kung gagawin nyang standards yung ginawa ng magulang nya sa kanya magiging malungkot be sya habang buhay? pero nagawa nyang itawid yung college nya at nakatapos ng non-medical field na course honor student pa syang naka-graduate sa U.P. Diliman.